When menopause doesn’t follow the ‘standard’ script

lynsey635
Jul 3
4 min read

Updated: Jul 25

What about me?

Most of what we hear about menopause focuses on a gradual transition, subtle shifts, hot flushes creeping in, a few skipped periods. But for those who experience surgical menopause, the story is completely different.

This version of menopause is instant. One moment your hormones are doing their thing and the next, they’re gone. Whether due to cancer treatment, hysterectomy, or other surgery, the sudden drop in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can feel like falling off a cliff.

And yet it’s often the least talked about. The least understood. The most isolating.

If this is your journey, please know: you are not forgotten. You are not overreacting. And you deserve support, care, and real, evidence-informed solutions.

3 Ways to Reclaim Your Voice and Power in Surgical Menopause

Advocate (even when you shouldn't have to)

Not all healthcare professionals are trained in surgical menopause. Bring trusted resources with you to appointments. Ask questions. Request second opinions. You are allowed to expect more.

Find your people

Whether it’s through Diane Danzebrink’s work, Menopause Support UK, or specialist Facebook groups, connection can be the antidote to isolation. Shared experience = shared strength.

Talk to your workplace

Many menopause policies unintentionally exclude surgical menopause. If you feel safe to, start the conversation. Even one brave voice can create lasting change for others.

When Menopause and ADHD Collide: A Perfect Storm of Overwhelm

Most menopause narratives centre on physical symptoms, hot flushes, night sweats, and irregular cycles.

But for women with ADHD, the cognitive and emotional shifts can hit like a tidal wave.

What happens when a brain already wired for fast thinking and executive dysfunction meets fluctuating hormones that dial up brain fog, mood swings, and sleep problems?

It’s a story many aren’t telling, but needs to be heard.

Menopause can intensify ADHD symptoms. Estrogen, which plays a key role in regulating dopamine (a neurotransmitter linked to focus, motivation and emotional regulation), begins to decline. For people with ADHD, whose brains already struggle to manage dopamine effectively, this drop can feel like losing the last threads of mental clarity.

If you’ve found yourself wondering: Why can’t I think straight? Why am I so emotional? Why is everything harder than it used to be? You’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone.

3 Ways to Support Yourself When ADHD Meets Menopause

Get curious, not critical, about your brain
Forget the idea of “lazy” or “disorganised.” Your brain has always worked differently, and menopause can heighten that difference. Understanding how ADHD and hormones interact is the first step. Dr. Kathleen Nadeau’s work and the book ADHD 2.0 by Hallowell and Ratey offer practical, compassionate insights into adult ADHD—especially for women.
Review your treatment
Stimulant medication or HRT? Both? Neither? This is complex territory, and what worked before may no longer be enough. Some women benefit from reviewing their ADHD medication dose, exploring hormone replacement therapy (HRT), or adding in non-hormonal cognitive supports. A menopause specialist or ADHD-informed prescriber can help you navigate this. Start with the Balance app or check out ADHD-specific services like ADHD UK or ADDitude Magazine's directory for support.
Build brain-friendly systems (with kindness)
Menopause can erode your confidence. Routines you used to rely on might now feel shaky. This is the time to simplify, not blame. Use visual reminders, timers, checklists, and calming rituals to support focus and ease transitions. And remember: rest is productive. Your nervous system—and your brain—need space to recover.

If you're struggling, know this: ADHD and menopause are both real, valid, and often misunderstood. But you are not broken. You’re navigating a storm with strength, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. With the right support, understanding, and adjustments, you can find steadier ground.

Further Support and Signposting

• ADHD UK – Advocacy, diagnosis, and support

• Balance Menopause – Menopause evidence, HRT information, and tools

• ADDitude Magazine – ADHD resources, webinars, and community

• Mind ADHD and Women – Support for ADHD and co-occurring mental health issues

• Books: The Menopause Brain by Dr. Lisa Mosconi, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank

If this is your story, please remember: You are not too much. You are not failing. You are adapting. And you deserve care, clarity, and connection.

Real Life Reset

One woman I worked with described her surgical menopause as “a storm I didn’t see coming.” She wasn’t prepared for the crash in mood, memory, or confidence. But over time, with the right HRT plan, strength training, and a solid support group, she began to feel herself again. Not her old self, but a more supported, more self-assured version of who she is now.

Know someone who’s navigating this? Forward them this email. Start an important conversation.

Menopause Expert Tip

Gentle movement can help reset your nervous system post-surgery. Try a short, supported stretch routine, a walk with a friend, or simply sit outside and breathe. Recovery isn't linear, but it is possible.

Coaching questions:

If you could ask for exactly what you needed right now, no shame, no filter, what would you say?

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