Menopause Can Pull You Apart or Bring You Closer — "Oh, my partner needs to see this"

lynsey635
Jul 3
5 min read

Updated: Aug 15

When hormones start their disappearing act, women can feel thrown off balance by changes that disrupt the systems that once supported their stability and wellbeing.

But menopause doesn’t just affect her; it affects both of you, and it can impact your relationship in ways you might not expect.

If you’re the partner of someone going through menopause, whether you’re a man, in a same-sex couple, or navigating a different dynamic, this is for you!

I’ve worked with many couples indirectly through my menopause awareness sessions in male-dominated workplaces, and I hear the same thing over and over:

“I want to understand what she’s going through. I want to support her — I just don’t know how.”

Here’s the truth: The problem is menopause - not you, and not your partner. Facing this change as a team is your best bet for both of you to thrive through it.

However, menopause doesn’t just affect the individual; it can also have a profound impact on relationships.

Why Menopause Can Feel Like a Relationship Earthquake

Long-term relationships naturally evolve. You’ve probably navigated changes before parenthood, job stress, illness, loss. Menopause is another major transition, but it’s often invisible, misunderstood, and rarely discussed.

For the woman experiencing it, symptoms can include mood shifts, disrupted sleep, brain fog, and even a sense of identity loss. For the partner, it may feel like the person you knew is changing before your eyes. That can be unsettling.

But it can also be an invitation to meet this new version of your partner, to grow together, and to build a deeper, more resilient connection.

The Glow Science

Estrogen and progesterone — two hormones that support mood stability, sleep, temperature regulation, and even social bonding — decline during menopause.

Lower estrogen can reduce serotonin and dopamine (mood and motivation boosters) and increase cortisol (stress hormone).

This means your partner may experience mood swings, anxiety, fatigue, and a shorter “patience fuse” — even without anything “being wrong” in your relationship.

Understanding this helps you respond with compassion instead of taking it personally

Top 5 Things Women Wish Their Partners Understood

1. “I’m not making this up.”

Menopause symptoms are real, physical, and sometimes unpredictable. Believe her — no need to question or minimise.

Action: If she says she’s tired, in pain, or foggy, accept it at face value and offer to lighten her load. Ask "What do you need from me to help?"

2. “My moods aren’t always about you.”

Hormonal changes can cause irritability or anxiety, even when nothing external has happened.

Action: Stay calm, give space if needed, and return to tricky conversations when things feel calmer.

3. “I need you to step up without being asked.”

Fatigue and mental load can make small tasks feel huge

Action: Take responsibility for one household or life admin task from start to finish each week — no reminders needed.

4. “I still want connection — but it might look different now.”

Energy levels, libido, and social needs can shift, but intimacy and closeness still matter.

Action: Explore new ways to connect — walks, shared hobbies, gentle touch — without pressure or expectation.

5. “I want you to learn with me.”

Menopause can feel isolating when a partner isn’t informed.

Action: Read one article, watch one short video, or attend a session together each week. We’ve done the hard work for you - see the Kindling Corner below for trusted, expert resources to get you started right away.

One Small Spark

Consider one small change you could make to support your partner.

One small spark, done daily, can create real change and help to reignite her GLOW. This month, choose from one of these simple practices.

Listen Actively for 5 Minutes: Take just five minutes each day to really listen, without trying to fix anything. Simply be there, hear her out, and acknowledge how she feels. This simple act shows you care and helps build trust and connection.

Learn One New Fact About Menopause Weekly: Commit to reading or watching a short article or video once a week. Growing your understanding helps you empathise better and support more effectively. See the resource below

Own a task — right through to completion: Each week, take responsibility for one small thing on her to-do list and see it all the way through. Fully owning these tasks shows you’re tuned in, helps balance the load, and strengthens your partnership.

Resources

Books for Partners

The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter
A no-nonsense, evidence-based guide that explains what’s really going on. Great for partners who like science, facts, and straight-talking clarity.
What Fresh Hell Is This? by Heather Corinna
An inclusive, witty, and deeply validating book that goes beyond the basics. It’s written for people going through menopause, but offers great insight for partners too, especially those in LGBTQ+ relationships.
The Complete Guide to Menopause by Dr. Annice Mukherjee
A compassionate, medical-meets-holistic approach with emphasis on lifestyle, mindset, and understanding the shifting experience. Good for couples wanting a balanced, health-focused view.
Men... Let’s Talk Menopause by Ruth Devlin
A short, straight-to-the-point book specifically for men who want to understand and support their partners better.

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Podcasts for Partners

Steven Bartlett Diary Of CEO – menopause
The Dr. Louise Newson Podcast
One of the most respected voices in the UK on menopause. Practical, accessible episodes, often featuring expert guests and real-life stories — ideal for men trying to understand medical and emotional aspects.
The Happy Menopause by Jackie Lynch
Offers simple, actionable advice on how nutrition, lifestyle, and support can improve wellbeing, great to listen to as a couple.
The Menopause and Cancer Podcast with Dani Binnington
Not just for cancer-related menopause — also full of tender and honest conversations about menopause in relationships, identity, and changing intimacy.

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Websites & Videos

Balance-Menopause.com (Dr. Louise Newson)
Includes a free app, resources for partners, factsheets, and real-life stories.
Menopause Charity UK – “Support for Partners” section
Offers practical advice for people supporting someone through menopause, including what to say, what to avoid, and how to help.
TEDx Talk: “Why we all need to talk about menopause” by Andrea Berchowitz
Short, powerful talk that frames menopause as a social, not just medical, issue — helpful for partners wanting to understand the broader impact.

Menopause Expert Tip

Final Thought

Menopause is not the end of the woman you love — it’s a transition into a new chapter. Yes, she’s changing. And so are you. That’s not a loss; it’s an opportunity to reset, reconnect, and rebuild.