Desire, Sex & Menopause: Understanding Your Libido

lynsey635
Jul 3
3 min read

Updated: Aug 15

Beyond the Physical: How Menopause Affects Sexual Desire

If your sexual spark feels different lately, you’re not broken - you’re changing.

Menopause can shift the way desire shows up, but with the right approach, intimacy can be reawakened in powerful and fulfilling ways.

Read this - then share it with your partner.

Why Desire Feels Different

Perimenopause and menopause affect more than just physical health - they also influence the emotions, confidence, and hormonal rhythms that help drive sexual motivation.

Here’s what’s going on:

Reduced energy: Fatigue from night sweats, insomnia, and other symptoms can make intimacy feel like the last thing on your mind.

Self-esteem changes: Physical discomfort and body changes can leave you feeling less confident or desirable.

Hormonal shifts: Declines in estrogen and testosterone affect libido — this is biology, not a personal failing.

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire

Many women feel pressure to experience spontaneous desire - the “light switch” kind that just happens.

But there’s also responsive desire - the “simmering pot” that warms up when the right ingredients are present: affectionate touch, emotional closeness, or simply giving yourself space to relax.

Neither is “better.” Both are normal. Society’s bias toward spontaneous desire can create unnecessary stress and shame, and that’s a story worth unlearning.

Women are two to three times more likely to experience a drop in desire than men.

Glow Science

For much of our lives, hormonal cycles naturally boost desire around ovulation.

In perimenopause and menopause, estrogen and progesterone decline, and that automatic “desire nudge” fades.

This doesn’t mean desire is gone - it means it may need a more intentional invitation.

Some women also find that HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) , including testosterone, can help improve energy, mood, desire and comfort - all of which can positively influence sexual desire.

HRT is not suitable for everyone, so it’s important to speak with a qualified healthcare professional to discuss options and whether it’s right for you.

While both men’s and women’s desire can decrease with age, women are two to three times more likely to experience a drop in desire, with up to 30% of women affected, especially during perimenopause and early post-menopause.
Interestingly, during the later stages of menopause (around 60 to 65 years old), many women experience a resurgence of interest and desire.

The Prickly Hedgehog Theory

Sex researcher Emily Nagoski uses this analogy: when stressed, we can become like hedgehogs — protective and prickly, keeping others at a distance.

In menopause, symptoms like exhaustion, hot flushes, and mood changes can create these “prickly” barriers.

The antidote? Compassion for yourself and your partner, plus intentional moments that rebuild safety and connection.

One Small Spark

One Small Spark - to Reawaken Desire

This month, try one small spark from here to support your wellbeing. Small steps like these can strengthen your connections and support your wellbeing.

Remember: consistency beats intensity. One small spark, done daily, can create real change. This month, choose from one of these simple practices:

Micro-touch moments - Hold hands, brush shoulders, or exchange a 10-second hug daily to keep connection alive.

Sensory reset - Light a candle, play a favourite song, or take a warm shower before intimacy to shift your state of mind.

Schedule pleasure - Plan a “no-pressure” connection date where the goal is enjoyment, not performance.

Menopause Expert Tip:

Communicating About Menopause with Your Partner

Talking about menopause with your partner can feel awkward or heavy. Choose a calm moment, explain what’s been happening for you, and share one thing they could do to help - whether that’s more affection, more patience, or simply listening.

Coaching questions:

What beliefs or expectations about desire and intimacy might be holding you back — and how could reframing them open new possibilities for connection?

When was the last time you felt truly connected with your partner? What small step could you take this week to recreate that feeling?

If you gave yourself full permission to prioritise pleasure, what would change in your relationship and daily life?

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Looking for more guidance? These expert resources are ones we love & will help you navigate menopause with science-backed insights and real-life strategies.