Harnessing the Power of Friends of a Certain Vintage

I find great solace in the guidance of an individual who has, in their own words, "gone through it, done it and purchased the T-shirt." 

Their advice is often objective and based on the gold dust and the wealth of being a little further down life's path. 

My first experience of intergenerational friendship was in my first place of work.

Jenifer was this amazing 40-something woman, and I was an 18yr old fresh from college. She was kind, caring, and full of fun. 

But never did I think we would be friends, she was 20+ years older than me, and she was more like my Mums age.

But over the years as I got married, became a mother, and progressed through my career she was always there offering her guidance, experience and unwavering support. 

She often reminded my anxiety-prone self to “dance like no one is watching”. 

She even pinned the poem to our staff room wall to remind us all as we worked away. 

I know that we all have older members in our families like our own Mum, Aunties or even our Nana but there is something different about an older friend. Jennifer could tell it to me straight, reminded me that it would all work out, and sometimes she’d tell me to “have a word with myself”. She always seemed to find the line between not judging or criticising, or maybe I just responded to her differently as I trusted her experience. 

About 37% of adults report having an intergenerational friendship with someone at least 15 years older or younger. 

How did these intergenerational friends meet and what helped them form their friendship?

A study showed it can be broken down into four main areas: hobbies and interests, jobs and professions, friends and family from the same age group, and social life in their community.

They can be some of the most long-lasting as the different stages of our lives can leave us more time for each other. I could go months without seeing her but unlike other friendships, she didn’t get offended she accepted my life was in a different stage, as hers had been in the past. 

Having Intergenerational friendship can help us to look at things from a different perspective, working together rather than competing against each other. In fact, should you ever find yourself competing against them, you would be better off inviting them to be on your team as their experience can be invaluable. 

Intergenerational friendships can really help you grow as a person. Sometimes when we spend all our time with either people we’ve known all our life or that are only the same age as us, it can be tough to make changes. Different generations of friends can help you see the world from a different perspective, which is great no matter how old or young you are.

When it comes to negotiating the roller coaster of life’s transitions like love, illness, family dynamics or coping with the death of someone close to us, they're always there to help and share their knowledge of the world. With a knack for just how to say the right thing to make us feel better. Almost like your own personal life coach. 

The age difference can make your conversations so different. They've been through it all, whilst you’re still learning things about yourself. This offers balance away from the immediate drama possibly found with similar-age friends. 

I would encourage anyone to give intergeneration friendships a go, as whether they are older or younger than us, both sides can gain from the friendship.

My, younger friends remind me of what I’ve grown through and to appreciate where I am now. Friends of all ages have made my life richer, and I’m grateful for each one. 

So as a wise friend said

Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching,

and live like it’s heaven on earth.